you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
