Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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