I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
being pregnant is like rehab
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
