You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
