You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
