What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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