i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
