Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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