plz talk dirty to me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
