I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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