I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
