if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
