Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
