Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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