I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
