hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
