Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
