glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
