i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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