Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
