Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
