the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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