Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
