I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
