Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
