i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Less talking, more tequila
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
