I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
