I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sext me about skeletons
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
