Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
