I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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