she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
