Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
