Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
