You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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