I haven't been this sober since birth.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
