It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We are two peas in an std pod
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
