so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
