What a fucking waste of an outfit
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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