I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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