i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
