Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
