babies were throwing up all over the place
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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