I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
