This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
