Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
