oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
