I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
