we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
