I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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