Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
