Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I could make wine with my vomit
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
