You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
