Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
