Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
